Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Using what you learn

Dragged Z-boy to KenPo tonight. He really didn't want to go, but I made him go anyway. While we were on our way to class, he mentioned that he'd been bullied today. A kid in another class had him up against the wall and was choking him in the bathroom. No apparent provocation. So I asked him if he reported it, and he said yes. I asked him if he used any of his defenses and he said no.

"Honey, that's why we take this class! So we can deal with people like that if we have to."

"But Mom, he was choking me with his arms TOGETHER." I had a hard time imagining this, but let him go on... "The front choke hold defense wouldn't have worked."

So when we got to the dojo, I took one of the instructors aside and told him about the incident. He took Z-boy aside and they practiced a new defense together that would deal with the held together arms. This is not one that Z would normally get for a while, but since the situation came up...

I also talked with the Master. A lot of times, when a kid is defending his/herself, THEY get in trouble, because THEY are the ones that actually took someone else down. Unless there's a witness to say definitively that the other guy was the aggressor, the defender often gets blamed for the encounter. I will say this... our Master is a man of integrity. If a child he has taught gets in that situation, he will come and talk to teachers involved and explain about the child's training. It is DRUMMED into them, this is a defensive art. You do not pick fights doing KenPo. All the moves are defensive and any counterstriking is used when an opponent keeps coming at you.

Z-boy and I talked again after class. I told him that he will NOT get in trouble with me if he is defending himself against a bully.

Z-Boy is very sweet and easy going. He's also a big kid and a challenge for bullies. The combination makes him a bully magnet. THAT is why he's taking this class.

On a happier, positive note, Z-boy, Darling Man and I will ALL be testing for our yellow belts a week from Saturday. Practice, practice, practice!!!!

10 comments:

quinn said...

Sorry to hear about the incident at school...I hope you check into it further at school..Z-boy has told them who and they should be reprimanding that kid...Not only does it not matter that there were no witnesses...as obviously that other kid chose to do it in a place where he felt no one can see him..the bathroom..often a place of bullying...

The fact that this kid put his hands on your child ..they need to deal with it...

Good for you for looking into it at kenpo as it can only help your son...

My oldest son is still 16 and I swear he does not use the school bathroom..ever! from bullying ...

As for the part about being in trouble for using the martia arts..absolutely ..your master is correct.....the kid they know has taken instructions will always catch the blame.

My son had an incident years ago on a bus...another kid grabbed his pen from him and began stabbing my son in the chest with it...over and over..the bus was moving..he was saying stop..the kid wouldnt stop.. so my son used only one motion from a multiple motion self defence move...all he did was slap the kids face really hard to divert attention....had the kid not stopped he would have then been able to grab his hand and use pressure points to make him release the pen...but the slap stopped the kid....

guess what ..my kid got suspended for slapping the other child...the fact that my son had about 30 pen point stabs to his chest that were visible was of no consequence..When I asked my son why he didnt continue with the manouver..he said I just wanted him to stop hurting me and when I slapped him he stopped so i stopped....

to me that screams !! self defence and self control.....but they didnt see it that way at all..

good luck..

factor 10 said...

Oh, Sayre, I am SO there with you. Check and see if his school district has a bullying policy in place. If they do, there should be a part of the policy that specifies no punishment for the victim of bullying if they are defending themself. I'm fighting with our school district right now about getting that wording in place.

Anonymous said...

Workng in a school system I can say that yes you should take it to the teachers or further up. If the teeachers are not aware then they can not help you. Of course there are the random ones who don't appear to care.
Another thing is when a parent gets involved they pay more attention to what is happening, one because it shows that the parent is involved in their child's life and two because circumstances pending they don't want a law suit. It is sad that it has come to this.

That is great that the Master is willing to speak up and out.

Stef

Good luck on your testing!

Jenny said...

Grrrrr. Bully's make me see red. If anyone ever picks on my little girl I don't know what I'm going to do.

How old do they have to be before they can start martial arts training? I guess 2 is too young, huh?

quinn said...

Hey Jenny ...I myself am a karate mom I live in Canada...My son is 13 now and is a black belt.

Most karate schools around here will begin taking children at age 4..usually it is a karate tykes program ..they do learn basic karate moves but mostly it helps them develop coordination as well as concentration and the fun stuff to set the basis for karate at about 5 years..depending on the child.

I highly recomend the martial arts to parents for their children not only because of the self defence aspect..but in the 7 years we have been involved I have come to see it is true that it really builds a sence of confidence in the kids and makes them a much less likely target to bullying. Not because they can use it but because they have so much self confidence in themselves they are not intimidated by other kids easily.
Good luck.

nikki said...

poor z-boy!
i can't believe schools these days and children can be so cruel to eachother.
go rock the yellow belt!

S William said...

"A lot of times, when a kid is defending his/herself, THEY get in trouble, because THEY are the ones that actually took someone else down."

I fear this as an adult. In Wisconsin it is illegal to use deadly force to protect property - not that I would intentionally use deadly force - but...if someone was in our house in the middle of the night, whammo, bammo.

Anonymous said...

Next time I see you, remind me to show you a couple of things that are very easy to do, cause intense pain, and leave no marks.

Zach (with a bewildered look on his face)- "Ma'am? I have no idea what happened... he was crying when I came in here. That's why I came to get you. Maybe someone tougher than him was picking on him...

John

Jeff said...

Martial Arts are the way to go these days now that kids are getting in trouble for packing heat. ;)

Kevin Charnas said...

You're so excellent...besides good training, I think that the discipline is an awesome thing too. And I also think in the long run it's going to raise his self-esteem.

I got into a fight once in elementary school and my mother never once questioned my motives. I think that she knew my spirit well and knew that I just wouldn't blindly pick a fight.

Good luck on your yellow belts! And you can tell your son, that I'm standing by ready to fit anyone with cement shoes that he needs me to, and then we'll take them swimming....see how well they do.