Sunday, January 21, 2007

The Party Boys

Oh, for God's sake, it's Sunday night! At least as we near the 11pm hour, the thumping has lessened and cars are leaving. Never to return (a girl can dream, can't she?).

So, this drama queen has been working on a curse. Cue the fog, the sudden chill, and a specter clad in black with a large staff appearing in the mist:

May you graduate to become middle class citizens, living in moderately-priced housing and driving cars known more for their thrifty ways than their hauling capacity and lack of mufflers and backup beepers that never seem to shut up.

May you have young children and an ill wife, who are kept awake all night by the low thumping noise that emanates from the residence next door.

May you fear for your beloved pets, who love to visit and check out strange vehicles. May they not see well or move quickly.

May you be blessed with a child who awakes with nightmares after hearing the drunken girls next door screaming.

May your ulcer be soothed by Maalox or Mylanta.

May you recover financially after being sued for costing the sale of neighborhood homes.

May you avoid jail time in favor of picking up garbage by the side of the road in a karmic retribution for all the beer cans and bottles that have landed in your neighbor's yards.

May the police be friendly and forgiving as they make repeated visits to your home after being called for disturbance of the peace.

May you find a home to live in once the landlord decides that having you as tenants is much too costly and distruptive.

May the license plates of your guests not find their way onto the police blotters.

May you never be called to the morgue to identify one of your guests after one of your little "get-togethers".

May you boys grow up to be men who know the value of peace, community, and harmony.

May you boys grow up.

I am SO tempted to print this out and stick it on their back door at 5am...

UPDATE: APPARENTLY IT WAS JUST A BEER RUN. The thumping resumed along with some rather annoying yelling. By midnight I'd had it and called the police. They sent an officer out right away. Things got quiet.... and then the phone rang. This surprised me, as I had said no to officer-followup. The officer was very nice and explained to me that all that noise was coming from 6 guys (a very small party for them) who were extremely drunk. He wanted to touch base and tell me my options at this point.

We could hope that they got the message and that this would be the end of it, or if I had to call again, I could have them arrested for disturbing the peace. For an arrest to happen, there has to be a "victim", at which point I would no longer be an anonymous complaintant. But hey, I'm not anonymous anymore anyway. After I hung up the phone, I remembered that our landlord, who is phone crazy, has at least THREE phones outside that ring, so five minutes after the policeman leaves the party premises, our three phones go off...

So it was with a bit of trepidation that I went outside for my paper this morning. My tires appear to be intact and there are no ugly words spraypainted on my house. Whew?

4 comments:

Kim Ayres said...

Your heart just isn't in the cursing bit - it's starts of cursing and turns into blessings.

Sayre said...

Guess you're right Kim, but I think they could be counted as MIXED blessings...

Much as I dislike this situation, I can also understand being young (I was once) and wanting to have friends. But your back yard on a weeknight is an inappropriate venue.

nikki said...

and may you grow unsightly hair out of your ears and nose that no plucking, shaving or waxing can solve.

Nikki said...

My your hernia be inoperable.