Friday, February 02, 2007

Turning to the Dark Side

I need to find a quiz somewhere - who's your superhero identity?

Now, some people think that I might be Wonder Woman (without the hair... or the body... but I can run my family and my job like nobody's business).

I suppose I could be Super Man, standing for truth, justice, and the American Way (whatever that is anymore...)

And in a strange way, I've always related to Spider Man. Perhaps it was the inadvertent heroism of a good heart that resonated with me.
spider-man Spiderman
But even Spidey is getting a dark side, according to the trailers for the upcoming SpiderMan 3.

Could it just be a matter of time or circumstance that make us all want to say in the most menacing voice we can muster, "Don't make me mad. You wouldn't like me when I'm mad."
Sure, everyone has a little David Banner/Hulk in them, but the Hulk always manages to do his deed, run away, and return to being David Banner.

I'd like to feel like David Banner again. Instead, I'm stuck in my Hulk persona. I'm pissed. And you wouldn't like me when I'm pissed.

Two weeks ago at midnight on a Sunday night, I called the cops on the Party Boys next door. Last week, I think someone's father was visiting, so things were a little quieter than usual, though I was hoping that a knock on the door by officer friendly counted for SOMETHING.

Last Tuesday, I went to my first neighborhood association meeting. The meeting was led off by a police woman who lives in the neighborhood across the road from mine (there are three neighborhoods who have joined forces here). I raised my hand and asked, "When I called the police on my noisy party neighbors, the answering officer contacted me afterwards and indicated that the next call would result in an arrest. Is that true? Is that the policy? Because I don't want a bunch of drunken college boys messing around with me because I got one of them arrested." It IS true. Apparently, the neighborhood association is VERY aware of this particular house and the whole room nodded when I related my tale of woe, and moaned aloud when I mentioned the new tiki bar and hot tub that have been installed in the last two weeks. The Association has worked with the police to institute a no-tolerance stance on these disturbances (there are several college rentals around here), so an arrest WOULD be the next step.

Feeling reassured and somewhat lulled by the meeting, I returned to my life feeling a bit more optimistic about things. Until 1:30am last night.

Whoops, hollers, screams and laughter from their back deck. Loud music making a weird buzzing energy that passed through walls. At 2am, I called the cops.

It must have been a busy night, or maybe because I requested no officer contact (remember the last time when the phones outside all rang when the officer called me?), but he didn't show up until 3:30am. Unfortunately, there was a lull at that point, so the officer didn't hear anything or see anything, as they'd all gone inside for a potty break, a pot break, a sex break or something. He got out of his car and walked around a bit, then got back in his car and drove off. Ten minutes after he left, the sliding glass door opened and out they all came again. Damn! I'd hoped that they'd all passed out or perhaps killed each other but no such luck. Somewhere around 4am, they did all pass out I guess, because things got quiet again and stayed that way.

Me? I'd been up since 1:30am and had been steaming the whole time. No way I was going to get any sleep. I made coffee for my apparently somewhat deaf husband, who came shuffling out at 4:30 and he didn't hear a thing until their last hurrah at about 3:45.

Yes, I'm pissed. Turning-to-the-dark-side pissed. If I WERE as big as the Hulk, I would be over there this second, lifting those little boys up off their toes and giving them the hairy mechanical eyeball and breathing death-breath all over them.
Darth chokes

You make me look like THIS in the morning?
Emperor-humor-784650 You'd better be prepared to take the consequences.

Like when I "accidently" hit the panic button on my key fob, and the incredibly loud honking from my car (wide-eyes) makes me drop the fob so that the horn just keeps going and going and going - at 7:45 in the morning right outside their door. Oops. Didn't mean to do that! Could happen to anyone, right?

Or like when I write down the make, model, and license plate number of every vehicle STILL in your yard this morning (7), for future reference when I talk to the Dean of Students about this little community problem we're having...

Or when I mention to my friend the IRS Criminal Investigator that he might want to check their returns because I'm pretty sure that hot tub isn't being used for theraputic reasons.

Or when I dismantle the outside phones (one using a hatchet) so that I can call the police in peace and have them call me back without worrying about you hearing my phones go off.

Or when I stand there in my driveway waving goodbye as the police haul your sorry asses out to the jailhouse just in time to end that SuperBowlSuperParty that you announced to the neighborhood at large at the top of your voice around 3am last night at a reasonable time because people have to work and go to school the next morning.

Yup. I am the Hulk. Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

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