I'm looking back at some of the stuff I've been writing on my two blogs.... and holy cow, it almost seems like two different people are writing these things. On BOTH blogs! Below is my post about signing up for NaNoWriMo, and then there's MIA on my other blog.
The space between who I am and who I want to be and how I think of myself is growing rapidly.
Am I a good witch? or a bad witch?
Good Mom - Bad Mom, Good Wife - Bad Wife. The pendulum seems to be swinging so fast now that it actually whistles as it rushes by.
So here's the scoop: Things aren't good. My son is having problems I don't know how to cope with, in spite of having been right there in his shoes myself. There is tension between my husband and me over how to deal with this because we both feel so hopeless, angry, dejected, worried, and hopeful that things will turn out alright. Sometimes things seem pretty normal. Sometimes it's all upside down.
I love my husband and my son with all my heart. And I'm not sure what to do at this point. I just know that I'm sitting here crying while I write this when I really need to be at work getting things done.
And what I feel like doing is chasing down an antelope and mauling it to death with my claws.
I'm trying to bring and keep positive activities and thoughts in our lives and not dwell too heavily on everything that's going wrong (not ignore it, but try not to give it power over my life).
So what I really do is keep on keeping on and keep doing my best to get through it all. It's all I can do.