Thursday, October 11, 2007

Must be stress


I have to admit it. I wanted a cigarette today for the first time in years. My mouth actually watered.

It's funny, because I had two packs in my glove box up until two weeks ago when I cleaned my car out. My "just-in-case" emergency cigarettes. I'd totally forgotten they were there. As I was emptying out my glove box, I thought "Jeez - I bet these taste really nasty now. I'll never want these again!" and into the trash they went.

Fast forward to today. I'm glad they were gone because had they been there, I might just have had one.

Additional thoughts: First of all, I wanted to assure you all (there have been concerned comments) that there is NO WAY I would smoke another cigarette at this point in my life. I always promised myself that if I was still alive and kicking at 85 I might pick it up again - but honestly, I believe I'm quit for good. The smell and being around people who smoke anything makes me feel nauseous. I used to enjoy various kinds of smoke - pipes were lovely, cigars had spice, pot was kind of green-smelling (until it got old and smelled like skunk). Cigarettes smell good BEFORE they are lit. Coffee tastes good before it is brewed (I have to add cream and sugar to drink the stuff). Vanilla smells heavenly until you take a swig.

I am all about health these days. I'm eating well, exercising regularly, having only the VERY occasional drink, and trying to cultivate a healthy state of mind. Nowhere in that mindset is the possibility of lighting up. Which is why yesterday's very brief craving was so shocking.

My mother was a smoker when I was a child and quit while I was still a child due to emphysema. When we were talking about this yesterday, she said that would happen my whole life. That she'd been tootling along living her life when 20 years after she'd quit, the craving came at her out of the blue. I suppose I'll have to get used to the occasional bad thought. And quash it with positive thinking!

15 comments:

Stepping Over the Junk said...

NOOOO SMOKING!

Sayre said...

Not to worry... The thought came and went and I was scratching my head saying, "What was THAT????"

A totally off the wall reaction to events of the day. I did not cave, and the idea disappeared as quickly as it came.

karisma said...

Don't do it! Its disgusting! You never realise just how disgusting until you are a reformed smoker yourself do you?

Sandy said...

Your mom is right. My husband, who quit in 1980 and I, who quit in 1992, were talking about this the other night. I was driving and talking and upset and just automatically reached up on the dashboard where the cigs used to live. Truly is bizarre. And no, I did not go buy a pack.

nikki said...

I haven't smoked in years, can't with my asthma, but some days, I'd love to light one up.

Dad said...

It was mnay years after I quit smoking that I had to smoke a cigar fopr the Press CLub skits. I did. It made me feel extremely sick. Never again. Bear in mind, I did four packs some days. I was no amateur.

Liane Michel said...

You have had a lot of stress in your life lately so it's no wonder you felt that craving. I think it's a comfort craving.... you know, a familiar habit, a steady. You are very strong Sarah and you are smart to acknowledge and accept your craving but realize you are beyond it.

Kevin Charnas said...

I'm proud of you, Sayre...and good for you for "eating well, exercising regularly," etc.

I smoked with Greg Prater in a sewer pipe in 5th grade.

Kevin Charnas said...

I wonder if Greg is even still alive??

Alice in Wonderbread said...

Sayre it's still tough at times for me too. I suppose the desire never goes away entirely, no matter how irrational it is.

OneFullHouse said...

I am very glad to hear you won't start again.

By the way, I can't thank you enough for your email... it made me think.

In fact, so much so that I've switched sites.

my new URL is on my old blog.

Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Wow. so honest Sayre.
the fact that everybody feels the craving gives me hope for the boy.

Thank you!

ME

Pendullum said...

Good for you...and so glad the temptation was not in the glove box!!!!!!!!!

Babzy said...

I haven't smoked in 27 years but now and then anxiety or stress makes me want to light up. I don't think it ever completely leaves us.

Good girl not caving in.

kitten said...

That is so great. How did you finally quit? I went to a class and got down to about 10- 13 a day. Then they gave me the patch and I had a allergic reaction. Then they gave me a pill and I was allergic. This made me want them even more. I think if I had just kept doing what I was doing I would be quit by now. I really need to try it agian instead of puffing them away.
Glad you had the will power not to.