Saturday, October 20, 2007

One step forward....

Darling Man and I went to see a therapist for ZBoy on Thursday. She was VERY nice. We talked about what was going on with Z, and us, and everything we thought might have lead up to this. I gave her copies of my email to the teachers about the bullying and their responses. About my ongoing battle with weight. Darling Man shared a lot of his own upbringing and how that might also be affecting ZBoy and how he deals with him. It was a very interesting couple of hours (we were actually only scheduled for one hour - which goes to show that there's A LOT of baggage to unload).

ZBoy has an appointment on Monday to see her.

I cannot tell you how relieved I am that we are able to take concrete steps in helping him. She also told us to not make eating such a big deal. If we show this much concern to him, then he knows there's something to be concerned about. So, while it's not easy, we're trying to be nonchalant about his consumption of food.

We all went out to a chinese restaurant yesterday and I told the waitress that Zboy would not be visiting the buffet and did not want anything to drink. If he changed his mind, I would let her know. Then Darling Man and I proceeded to the buffet and get our food. We both came back with "meat-on-a-stick" (terryaki chicken), which we know ZBoy loves. He sat there and watched us eat it, looking more and more miserable. We ignored him. Finally, he asked if it would be okay if he went and got a plate. He got one piece of meat-on-a-stick (a big one) and came back to the table and ate it. All of it. I asked if he wanted to go back for more and he said no. So I went to get some chocolate pudding and a cookie for dessert. More eyeballing. And he asked if he could get some ice cream. I said yes, so he did.

Now I KNOW this is not the most nutritious meal in the world, but at least he ate something so I'm not complaining.

After lunch, we went bowling. This is where things got telling. ZBoy loves to go bowling, but he wore out before we were halfway through the second game. He hadn't the strength or the energy for it. Darling Man and I finished out his frames while he stood around gazing at the video games.

On the way home, we went to Barnes and Noble. DM and I took turns hanging with the Z in the children's book section while the other wandered off to find something for his or her own self. While I was with ZBoy, I looked through the books there and found this:

...and slipped it in my pile to purchase.

When we got home, I handed it to him and he read it cover to cover, making exclamations all the while about how he "...sure knew how that felt, and hmmm... I could try this!" Then he made me read it out loud so we could all hear it while he was in the tub. He seemed a lot happier after that.

Score one for Mom!


Anonymous said...


My (now 20's) son went through a weight issue in his teens, shedding 50 pounds, working out twice a day, Atkin's, rip fuel drugs, and got in way over his head with obsession. It took our family doctor -- again, an outsider -- to reach him by explaining that he had lost his fat, which had been the goal, and was now EATING AWAY AT HIS MUSCLE since he had no more body fat left to burn. This seemed to reach my son at that moment, since it was a "buff" body he was after, and the logical explanation by the doctor had an impact. The other impact came from his peers, who began giving him negative comments about his extreme slimming down as being too skinny. It's funny how kids don't seem to hear advice from their parents, but do trust "qualified" advisors like doctors or specialists; also very normal for him to listen to his peers over his parents. It was one of the most awful experiences for me to watch my darling son's obsession ruining his health, both physical and mental. But they are their own person and sometimes all we can do is LOVE them while they figure it out on their own or with the help of outsiders. It's so great that you are being proactive and "catching" this at his early age. I hope that your counselor can reach him like my son's doctor did, with a rational and "medical" explanation of what dieting too much does to the muscle and physique. Good luck and positive prayers, Sayre!


nikki said...

You are doing a wonderful job. I hope things get easier sppn. It's so hard to watch your own children suffer.

HoosierGirl5 said...

Good job, Mom!
You are doing all the right things. I know it will get better!


Babzy said...

I can't believe how behind I am with your posts. I am on my way back to the wrinkly dogs and will catch up soon.

Babzy said...

Hi Sayre, I'm all caught up now. You and your family have had some ups and downs lately. Hang in there. You're a great Mom and doing everything right.

karisma said...

I can really hear where you are coming from. Poor Z-boy, my heart really goes out to him. I hope everything works out for you soon.

Keep smiling!

dawn said...

I was fighting tears as I read the end. You are doing an awesome job. What you wrote about the restaurant reminded me of our son at 3-6years when he didn't get food in time. He would be so hungry it would affect his mood and he wouldn't like that kind burger, or he didn't want lettuce, or the pickle was too small or the french fries too long. At first Sirdar would try and get him to eat, but I talked to him about it, and then we would just tell T 'that's okay, just leave it'. He knew the rule was he had to sit at the table until the rest were done, and eventually he would start eating and feel better. As a teen (he is 14) he didn't eat much last year. He ate a decent lunch, but supper would look like "Nouveau Cuisine". We wouldn't say much, maybe a little ha,ha. My mom was concerned, but I knew he would snack sometimes. He has been working all summer in a physical job. The 'moms' at his work ribbed him about his lunches being so small. They started bringing him chocolate cakes and treats, which he loved. Anyway, as summer wore on, and he started bulking up, he started eating more. He just mentioned a couple minutes ago, how he was starved before bed, and he had eaten a whole plate of food last night. I said when you work physically, you need more food to maintain yourself, and bulk your muscles up. Since there are 3 sisters in the house, outside of meals, there have been conversations of healthy eating. This has been always, since our oldest (now 16) was worried about being fat when she was a stick at 5. My whole family (extended as well) talked about healthy eating and exercise outside of meals. I am happy to say, that although I am 50 pounds overweight (probably realistically 35 pounds), I have maintained it for a long time. The kids are all healthy weights and exercise. Sirdar is a bit overweight too, but we are both pretty fit despite the weight.

I don't know how old your son is, because I have not been visiting long, but I must say it seems like you are on the right track, and with the post I just did here, you know even more about me.