Oh, my aching... and other things

Well, I lived through today. Kept it kind of quiet, but boy do I hurt. Still have a slight headache from conking it on the floor during the judo class yesterday, and my neck and shoulders hurt from trying to keep my head from hitting the floor any more.... I will get the hang of this though. Since people are going to be throwing me around a lot more in the future, I have to!

Ta-dah! My husband put in about 16 hours of work, and this is what he came up with:



It's a lot more intricate that it looks. If you could open the top sections, you'd find lots of escape pods, Darth Vader's giant egg-thing that he sits in, and people. As I said - about 16 hours of work went into this!

New fur babies!!!! Thanks to my cousin, I have inherited two lovely young ladies, aged about 6 months. She had five cats, two of which she could take to her new house; one of which seems to have found a new home for herself, but the last two, who are sisters, had nowhere to go. Her husband was going to be moving into an apartment and didn't want to pay the $500 pet fee to bring them. So I took them.



The blond with her eyes shut is Tottie, which seems to be morphing into Toddy. Misha is the dark calico. Both of them are very playful, love my curtains (Toddy's already pulled one set down), and hang out under Z-boy's bed when things get a little overwhelming. I slept on the couch last night to cat-referee. Yoda sat up on the back of the couch all night and hissed whenever one of the little girls came in. Then he stopped hissing and just watched them with big eyes. French is a hissing fool. His face seems to swell up to twice its size when he does that, which is rather comical. I imagine this will go the same way as other cat family blendings we've done... lots of hissing, arched backs and growls for three days, then affectionate playing and cleaning.

Tossing things around

...like my husband. Tuesday was our first day back at KenPo after the holiday break. Now that we're all yellow belts, we get to do some new stuff. One of the new combinations we learned involves putting an attacker on the ground. And not gently. We practiced on the air for a while, then my husband turned and said, "Try it on me!"

So I did. Several times. Hmmm...

He wouldn't throw me, but insisted that I throw him. The next day, he hobbled up to me and said, "Maybe we should learn how to fall down before we do that again."

So tomorrow morning, we're going to learn how to fall down.

Funeral

Today fit. It was gray and drizzly. The sun never came out from behind the clouds and even my habit of wearing sunglasses anytime I am outside was broken because it was just too dark. This is saying something. If I lived in the Pacific Northwest where clouds and rain are the norm or far north where there are a few days a year when it seems it is dark around the clock, this would be nothing unusual. But I live in sunny Florida. Sunny and warm even in winter Florida.

It fit the mood of the day because today my friends buried a gentle man. He was 92, the father of my best friend's husband. But we were all family. 15 years ago, my friend, her then-boyfriend and I were all roomates. We lived together for about 3 years and during that time forged a bond that was family. His parents visited often and considered me one of theirs. His mother is a strong, opinionated woman of the South and his father was always the quiet, faintly amused man standing behind her. Their positioning was deceptive though. He was always the strong one. He was a professor, had served in the Pacific Theater in WWII, was a Lutheran minister's son and a founding member of the one of the first Lutheran churches in town. He married his wife and stayed with her loyally for over 60 years. As the years drew close to the present, there were scares. He was diabetic and had heart trouble. Occasionally his lungs would fill up for no apparent reason. And still, he went for his walks around the neighborhood, ran errands with his wife, sang in the choir, and visited with his grandchildren who lived four houses away.

As I entered the church's foyer, I spotted his wife sitting over to the side next to a display of photos. She was dressed all in black, her hair freshly set, blue eyes taking in everything going on around her. She had always struck me as a large woman in spite of her small size, because her personality was so big and took up a lot of space. Somehow today she was both bigger and smaller than she was before. I went over and gave her a hug and told her I was so sorry to hear of her husband's passing. She looked up at me and in a voice as papery as her skin, whispered, "I was there for his last breath. He went very peacefully - just the way he lived."

"I know," I answered, then did something I've never done to another human being in my life. I have no idea what prompted me to do it, but I curled my hand, brushed it against her cheek, then gently chucked her under the chin. She smiled at me, eyes brimming with tears that didn't fall and I wondered, did her husband do that to her? Was he telling her that he was okay through me? I don't know.

I worked at finding something appropriate to wear, and was glad I made the effort. It's a sign of respect - especially to someone as old as they are, to dress appropriately. But looking around at the other attendees, realized that not everyone thought about it the same way I do. There were the older women denying the proximity to their own deaths in casual sweaters and sneakers. The men were stiff with suits for the most part, but there was a sprinkling of polo shirts and khaki's as well. A few old people, mostly middle-aged from church or former students, very few children.

Sitting in the back row, I suddenly realized that there would be more of these services. Many more. Most of us have lost at least one grandparent or all of them. Our parents are aging rapidly. And we are not immune either. For I am now entering the middle ages, when the bodies of my peers begin to express their histories with heart attacks, strokes, cancer and accidents. The ones who lived through the wildness of their teens and early twenties are now facing their genetics and their pasts or the stresses of the present. We will all get there eventually - it just takes some people longer. Like my friend's father. It took him 92 years to get to where he is today. A lot of people will miss him. And THAT is the best legacy you can leave behind.

Shopping for Black

I have a funeral to go to tomorrow. And nothing to wear. So after work today, I went shopping for black. Unless you're going to a party, there's no such thing.

Everything I saw had rhinestones or other frippery on it - terribly unsuitable. Dresses were even worse. I'm sure the 92 year old man whose funeral I'm attending would be thrilled to see me there in a cocktail dress cut down to there and emblazoned with fake diamonds... All I would need to complete the ensemble would be spike heels and fishnet stockings!

I finally found a very plain black knit shirt with 3/4 sleeves. I will wear it with a chocolate brown skirt and a jacket that has both colors in it. Not very funereal, but better than showing up in spangles.

I wonder if there would be a market for "Suitable Attire", a shop that caters to the must-have outfits to go with the daily work of living. There would be a funeral section, a wedding section, a graduation section, and a first day of work section. Note: with the exception of first day of work, YOU are not the main attraction of the event. You are guest and someone else is (or should be) in the spotlight.

Because I never know what to wear to these things, and stores as they are now, are of no help whatsoever.

Absurdly pleased...

Most of the time you're going along, minding your own business and living your (as you consider it) dull day to day life, when someone says or does something that is so out of the blue and so nice that you walk around with a smile on your face all day.

My benefactor of the day lives about two thousand miles away in North Wales. He's a young man who works in web-design and is an innovative thinker. He's created his own forum and his own Toplist (which I signed up for as a member). His love life - or lack of, then abundance of - had caught my eye. I confess, the football talk and the tech-y talk was a bit above my head, but the adventures of Rhys and Sandwich Girl and the Sexal Karma Fairy and the wheelchair-bound gay foot-fetishist kept me coming back on a daily basis to see how our hero was fairing. Throw in a few health related scares and dental trauma and I'm hooked. Now, of course, we have the lovely Han taking up much of his attention and his blog and I'm in for the duration!

So what has Rhys Wynne done that's got me smiling so much today? Why he has nominated me and my blog for The 2007 Bloggies Award - in the Best American Weblog category!

I am stunned and amazed. This blog is pretty much a letter to friends and family, telling them what's going on with us or what's running through my head on any given day. My family is so large and widespread that individual letter writing is pretty unmanageable, and except for my grandparents (who are not connected to the world-wide web) everyone I know has internet. This seemed like a good solution to that particular problem.

But the truly astounding thing is that people OTHER than friends and family seem to find this blog entertaining, if not interesting on a regular basis. I have an actual group of people who come by almost daily to see what's up with Z-boy, Darling Man and myself who are not related or have even met me. Sometimes I fail to see how strange my life is (as I listen to Z-boy singing "Constipated" while working on his Star Destroyer lego model) until someone says, "You had a two-headed turtle for Thanksgiving????" To me, it's a day in the life. To someone else - well...

So thank you, Rhys, for making my day (and not in a Clint Eastwood-kind of way), and telling me where and how to make my own nominations. Because, dear blog friends, there are quite a few of YOU that I would nominate in a heartbeat because you keep me thinking, dreaming, crying and laughing everyday.

(Visit Rhys! Click on "The Gospel According to Rhys" on my Blogroll. I am still hopeless at doing that linky thing within the text of my posts...)

Promise of a New Day

I was going to do this anyway (yes, the cliche'd resolutions post), but yesterday's events bumped it to the next day. Imagine my surprise when visiting Janet at www.artofgettingby.com to discover that this week's Tell It To Me Tuesday is resolution-related. Now I can kill two birds with one stone (or accomplish two things with one post)!

Janet writes:
At first I wasn't going to do a New Years related TITMT. After all, the New Years thing is bound to be played out on every blog. But then I changed my mind and decided what the hell, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.So today's TITMT is New Years inspired, only with a twist...

Name six things you wanted to accomplish in '06 and seven things you want to accomplish in '07.

Now, as it happens, my New Year's Resolutions usually look pretty much the same year-to-year because, like so many people, I start out with great intentions but only follow through for about a week or so before abandoning said resolutions. And the following year, they're back on the list again because I didn't follow through and I know I really should do something about _______. There are a few new items, inspired by some of my fellow bloggers - so thank you, friends, in advance, for making my list a little different this year.

SIX THINGS I WANTED TO ACCOMPLISH LAST YEAR (and the result)

1) Get in shape, lose the lard, be able to wear my engagement ring again (because my fingers are just too damned fat and my ring is beautiful). NOPE

2) Get my house and yard in shape (down in Wakulla). YEP

3) Make all my Christmas presents and have them done before December 1st (stop laughing!) NOPE

4) Take a class that improves my brain/body. YEP (KenPo)

5) Be better about writing letters to the grandparents. NOPE

6) Reconnect with family and friends, as I have withdrawn somewhat in the past year. YEP

I hope I've learned something from my efforts of last year. And hopefully, my list for 2007 is more realistic and attainable - and won't be repeated due to failure when this list comes up again at the beginning of 2008.

SEVEN THINGS I WANT TO ACCOMPLISH IN 2007

1) Working with my doctor on diet and exercise, I would like to lose 80 lbs (goal weight of 135) and improve my cholesterol levels and blood pressure to the point where I don't have to take medication to control them anymore. Originally, my goal was to accomplish the no-more-drugs part of this by my birthday (March 25th) but that sets up an unrealistic goal in the same way as instant weightloss would... It would be nice, but realistically, I may be looking at mid summer before I get there.

2) I would like to either buy the house we're in and continue with the improvements to house and yard, or buy a different house and get settled in for at least the next 6 years. Why 6? Because if we stay here, we will need to move before Z-boy starts high school. The high school we're zoned for sucks and the one we want him to go to is at or near capacity so is not eligible for school choice. So we would need to move to a more desirable school zone at that point. If we buy somewhere else, we will buy in the appropriate zone and not have to move again (ever, if we don't want to!).

3) I would like to spend more time sewing. When I was younger, I used to sew because my mother taught me. When we made my costume this past year, I remembered so much of what she taught me and enjoyed myself so much that I realized that this was something I wanted to do more of. Whether for home decorating or clothing, sewing is a productive and relaxing pastime I'd like to spend more time doing.

4) I would like to become more knowledgeable about financial matters. I already take care of our household finances, but there is more that can be done to make our future more stable. This includes setting up a college fund for my son, a permanent savings account for my husband and myself, expanding our retirement possibilities and setting up a household budget that is more efficient.

5) I would like to be better at my job. I'm already very good at it without thinking about it too much. But cruising along like that makes for job dissatisfaction, which is beginning to creep in. So many other things have happened this year that took attention from my job - I need to redirect my work-related thinking to make my job more satisfying personally.

6) I want to be a better wife and mother. I want to talk to my husband more and yell at my son less. We need to do more things together and not so many apart. To do these things, I need to feel happier with myself, more calm, less angry. I don't know why I feel the way I do, but suspect that there is underlying stress that I am not particularly aware of and that makes itself known by tying my mind and guts up in knots. I need to discover this problem and fix it.

7) I want to write more. Not just letters to my grandparents (I've already begun rectifying that situation), but this blog, a novel, short stories... My son and I were sitting together at breakfast last Sunday and I had the paper with me. On the front of the lifestyles section was a story about a lawyer who decided to radically change her life and become a writer. It talked about the sacrifices she made and the benefits she's gained as a result of her decision. When I said "Wow." out loud, Z-boy asked me why and I told him about her. Said that ever since I could remember, I wanted to write books. And he looked at me and said, "Well... why don't you?" Good question. Imagine - it took a 7 year old child to make me really examine what I wanted to do with my life. Why couldn't I make that leap on my own????? I will participate in NaNoWriMo this year. It's an international challenge to write 50,000 words during the month of November. I thought about it this past year, but hadn't really prepared myself. I'm going for it in 2007!

There you have it, the 2007 New Year's Resolutions list. It's out there, it's public, and I'll revisit it in 2008 and let you know how I did. Heck, you'll probably be hearing about it so much here that you'll be sick of it before then. But I'll do it anyway...

Moving on

I spent my New Year's day watching a heart break. It was hard to see, and there was nothing I could do about it but pretend that everything was normal and this moving day would be like any other.

My cousin decided that she didn't want to be married anymore. She is a lively and enthusiastic 43 year-old mother of two, married to a very nice man. The problem was that the very nice man didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. He'd been in the service and gone everywhere and done everything before he even met her. So, as they got older he didn't seem to feel the need to see more or do more. He was very happy to be home, with his family and his pets. My cousin wanted to go see and do, and she did - but she did it alone. More than once. She WANTED her husband to join her, but it never happened. And she realized that she was unhappy with the way things were and had been for some time.

Today, she moved into her new house. And I was there to help. It was not a smooth operation on my side of things. Z-boy accompanied Darling Man to work today. I took them breakfast and came home to get directions to my cousin's house (I'd never been there!), and managed to lock myself out of both my car and my house. After lengthy consideration, I found a way into the house (and promptly remedied that security breach), grabbed my keys and was on my way.

When I arrived, the U-Haul was backed up to the garage and my cousin's husband was lugging a dresser out to the van. In fact, he and her father moved just about EVERYTHING. He was hot and sweaty and wore a look of grim determination that the sudden realization that this was really happening wouldn't show on his face. Never a very verbal person to start with, he was like a moveable wooden indian. It hurt to watch. None of this should have been a surprise. My cousin had been talking to him constantly since the decision was made to leave - about what to take, what would stay, arrangements about their house, their children, their money...

But I believe he was in serious denial. Up until today, he didn't believe it would happen. But in loading the moving van, the truth struck home in the saddest way and I really believe I witnessed a heart break today.

My cousin's father was there to help. In actuality, the only person who did much of everything was cousin's husband. His way of dealing with it, I guess. She made a remark that her dad didn't do much made me reply, "Oh, but he did. He was here to be a man with your husband. That is worth a lot." And she saw that it was.

I am lucky. I have not had to witness the break up of a marriage so personally - not even my own. When I left my first husband, I got in the car and left. That was it. My parents are still married, my husband's parents are still married. I've had divorced brothers, but none of it was personal - I wasn't really there for any of them. All information was delayed and second hand. So in a way, this was my first. I hope it is my last.

Gahhhhhh!

Sitting here minding my own business and checking out other blogs and "Ch-Ch-Chia!"

It hasn't gone off since the infamous Chia post (the hammer helped), and it retired to a quiet little box in boy's closet to be forgotten. Until now.