Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Lizards and Sisyphean Dreams

As I was leaving for work the other day, Tottie was busily torturing a green anole who had lost most of his tail. It also wasn't green; it was black (anoles can change coloration for camoflauge purposes). I was puzzling over why it was black when it was sitting on the concrete step when it made a mad dash for Wilbur - who is still wearing his Groucho Marx glasses from Halloween. The lizard ran up Wilbur's back and took refuge behind one of his eyebrows.

My dear, blonde cat was then the one to sit on the step and try to puzzle things out. She completely missed where it went and as I left, she was prowling the front porch looking for her lost lizard. (She never found it. A couple of days later, I spotted him on a column wearing his green.)

I'm not feeling so great today. My stomach is a little upset and I'm really, really tired.

I went to bed relatively early, then woke up around 2am from a WTF? dream. Not scary or heart-pounding - just.... weird. I got up, drank some water, petted a cat, read for a few minutes, then lie down again only to fall back into the same dream again. This pattern repeated until 7:30 this morning until I woke up and HAD to get up. So. Tired.

What was this dream? Well, maybe you remember my friend who died back in February. When we first started dating, I was introduced to his house. It was a nice little three bedroom, one bath house. The carpeting was ancient; it needed painting; it needed some TLC. So back then, I started having these dreams about fixing up that house. Even after the relationship ended, I dreamed about that house. Those dreams continued sporadically right up until the day he died, about 19 years later. Then they stopped.

So imagine my shock and surprise when I dreamed about the house again last night. Only this time I wasn't fixing it, I was packing it up. JL was a real pack-rat. He had two whole rooms dedicated to holding stuff. And I had to sort it all out and get rid of it so his family could sell the house. This was the dream that had me waking up repeatedly last night.

Why am I still rolling this particular rock uphill? We stopped seeing each other 16 years ago. He died almost a year ago. What is it that keeps his house and him living on in my sub-conscious?

I wish I knew.

7 comments:

BeeDancer said...

I have dreams that make no sense at all...I see people I haven't seen in 20 years...I'm in places I've never been...I've never been able to make sense of my dreams

Sandcastle Momma said...

Maybe packing up his house in your dream was a way of letting him and the house go. Everything has been sorted and gotten rid of so now you can move on.
It'll be interesting to see if you dream about him or the house any more.

Anonymous said...

Adding to sandcastle momma--- perhaps you have something to say to him that you never got around to.

Stephanie

Nekked Lizard Lady said...

COOL Lizard pic.

karisma said...

Hmm Maybe he had some unfinished business? Or the parents are in fact planning to sell the house and there is something there that may be for you? Interesting! I always find that the meaning tends to be something simple! Look for the little details.

m (the misanthrope) said...

I went back and read your post about your friend...I am so sorry for your loss. What a sad story. I hope he is at peace now.

As far as dreams go, I have given up trying to understand mine. My subconscious dredges up stuff from years ago, things that haven't happened but that scare me...you name it. Perhaps as the others said, you are still in the process of letting go of your friend?

Anonymous said...

I would assume what has earlier been said either that it's your subconsciousness has settled your past with him or it still hasn't. I would think you either have finally dealt with it all or still need to.

I'm sorry for your loss. Even if it's a death you see coming it still hurts all the same. One of the reassuring things I take away from a death like that is that hopefully they are finally at peace.