Sunday, December 14, 2008

The Desperate Hours arrive

I smelled the newspaper arrive this morning.

I rolled over and buried my nose in my cat to block the newspaper smell.

Actually, it wasn't the newspaper itself - it was what was IN the newspaper.

The perfume ads have arrived.

As one of those people cursed with a super-sensitive nose, perfume ads in anything drive me crazy. That's why I don't buy magazines anymore or breathe when I go down the soap aisle at the grocery store.

And I don't buy perfume or wear it.

But perfume seems to be the gift of choice for people who don't know what else to get for someone.

To me, perfume should be an intensely personal choice. I mean, here you are walking around with some random smell on you that someone else picked out? No. Not for me.

Let's take a look at what the advertisers think will sell all that last minute perfume, shall we?

greasy man Flower Girl
Is it me, or do these two look like the same person? Slightly lumpier nose and short hair - man. Softer nose, curvier face - woman. Is this model double-dipping?


I actually like this ad. It seems to sell the idea behind the fragrance - which is romance. It is also the only one that smelled halfway appealing to me.
(Please note that I never open those things, but I can smell them through the "smell-proof" paper and glue.)

Sleazy guy

Ick. Just... ick. Is it just coincidence that his perfume smells an awful lot like bug spray? The kind they spray around the baseboards at work (not scented bug spray for people). I really want to smack this guy and tell him to get over himself.
Then there's the flip-side of bug spray-man's ad:

Freaky woman

What is wrong with this woman? It looks like there's a leg coming out of her shoulder which is then bent into some weird, deformed and swollen knee. This ad didn't exactly have me leaping off the couch and dashing to my nearest department store.

Maybe I'm a tough audience, or maybe I'm just not the target audience but perfume ads just rub me the wrong way.


Mrs. Really Long Last Name said...

I can't stand the smells either. I have wanted to request the non-perfumey magazines but they are like a 3 week delay. I can't go that long w/o my People! :)

And I haven't picked up a newspaper in YEARS!!

Perfumes (about 99.345637% of them give me migraines. I have 2 that I can wear normally. Right now - I can't wear any of them. The smells make me nauseous.

And I cannot figure out that last picture. Not appealing - at.all.

karisma said...

I must admit I dont buy newspapers or magazines anymore. Mind you not many of ours have the perfume smell except maybe the Avon catalogues. I used to buy one of those real life story ones but gave up on that too. Not interested in what the rich and famous are up to at all or advertising.

I have the same problem with perfume though. It irritates my skin. So whenever it gets bought for me it ends up going to someone else.

swamp~eld said...

As a super smeller, I agree. Most fragrances leave me with a headache. I have been known to re-gift any item that had any type of fragrance attached to it.

swamp~elf said...

That was supposed to say "swamp~elf," but I guess you could add "e-r" and I would be "swamp~elder."

Anonymous said...

My Grandmother, a belle in her day, always said you should never be able to "smell" perfume--Only a slight sense of something pleasant but unidentifiable. Hence the tradition of one tiny dot on a pulse point. Then men got the idea that they should drench themselves in heavy men's colgnes. I quit wearing any perfume at all at that point--what was the point--They never understood that less is more, and my delicate perfume was overwhelmed by every man in the room-- Proof positive that advertising works, no matter how offensive the results.

m (the misanthrope) said...

Yep, those perfume ads are icky. And it's neat to actually sit and analyze the pictures/ad content, and try to figure out what made the marketing folks choose the way they did! Glad you are feeling better!

Island Rider said...

I hate those perfume ads, too. My son got a free subscription to some men's health magazine which was very unhealthy for someone wiht asthma like me. I used to throw them away at the post office and not even put them in my car or bring them home. I agree ick on that ad of the guy in the boat. I saw it in another magazine and thought I would throw up. Do you live in the panhandle of Florida? My son's girlfriend wrote an article for the Pensacola News Journal on how to pick out a perfume for someone. I think it was for their Thanksgiving shopping edition.

Sayre said...

I'm in Tallahassee, which is the middle of the "Big Bend" - a part of the panhandle.

SInce you saw the boat guy too, I wonder if these particular ads are targeted to people in our area and if the folks in, say, Maine get a different set?

Liane Michel said...

OMG!!! I was just asking myself what the deal was with that left arm and then I read your paragraph!! It looks like her arm accidentally got stuck in her pelvic region.

I am speaking of the last pic, of course.

This pic is just plain in bad taste. Well so is the one prior for that matter.

Liane Michel said...

Ooops!! I meant the second-to-the-last paragrah. You know what I mean! LOL!