I suppose there are times when people would wonder.
As I drove to work this morning, I realized I wasn't in the mood for NPR or B-52s or any of my usual go-to-work entertainments. After rummaging around in my glove box at the stoplight, I came up with a Don Williams CD and a Colin Raye CD. I adore Don Williams, but he was just a bit too mellow for my mood this morning, so Colin Raye it was.
I didn't get halfway through the first song before I was losing my makeup to tears. "I Think About You" expresses the concerns of a father raising a daughter, realizing how the rest of the world will see her and how at odds it is with the way he sees her. I'm a mom. Raising a boy. The concerns are a little different but there all the same.
I quickly called my mom to talk about something, anything else in an effort to save my face for the day. A few minutes later, she was called away for breakfast and it was just me and my car again.
I pushed play on my CD and this came on:
This song never fails to bring on the tears. The cruelty with which people treat other people is astounding sometimes - especially when it is the smallest kindness that could change their lives forever.
After work, I went home and curled up on my couch to catch up on my DVR. Not in the mood for "Sex and the City" or "Shallow Hal" or even "Elf", I settled on "Touched by an Angel" which I record everyday. I saw a man wake up from a coma and realize that he wasn't such a nice guy before the coma. I saw a cop coming apart from the stresses of his job finding lost children. And again the tears.
I firmly believe that crying is theraputic. There are days when that is just the thing to relieve stress. I love the movie "Broadcasst News" for that very reason. Holly Hunter's character starts every day by unplugging the phone and crying for a couple of minutes. Then she's ready to start her day. I understand that.
But what, you may ask, does any of this have to do with anything?
Well, there are several things coming together here. Work is very stressful at the moment. Not awful-stressful, but more of the incredibly busy-stressful. There's so much to be done, so little time and resources to get it done with. And it's Christmas time. I've been feeling the lack of holiday spirit this year for some reason. And I miss it. It's starting to seep in with every passing day, with every tear shed to relieve stress, with every little thing I can do to make the world a better place.
You see, Fun Monday started an avalanche with me. Random acts of kindness are far too rare these days. People seem to be out for themselves. Have to get where they're going, get what they want, to hell with anyone who gets in their way. Getting there faster is more important than getting there alive or without killing or maiming someone else in the process. It's scary to think of the world my son will inherit one day.
Perhaps this is where religion comes in. Not as the commercial, fundraising enterprise so many "religions" seem to have become, but the spiritual side, the faith in something bigger than ourselves. I don't necessarily practice religion. But I do have a spiritual life that includes making each day the best I can for myself and for other people around me. I believe there is a little divinity in everyone and if they would only let it shine out, the world would be a better place.
My love of "Touched by an Angel" and music like Colin Raye's baffles some people, but those two things remind me that even I can make the world a better place. I only hope that they will remind other people too.