Sunday, April 26, 2009

Fun Monday - Love/Marriage/Horse/Carriage

Hoosier Girl accepted the challenge of being hostess of Fun Monday this week. Her challenge to us:
Love and Marriage. What do you consider important to a good marriage or relationship? Tell a story of something endearing about your marriage or your parents' marriage. Include any wedding pictures or images of love that remind you of what a good relationship should be.

Both my husband and I have been married twice. We both were just 20 when we made our first vows (to other people). Oh, the things you do when you're young and sexually frustrated... Neither one of us were virgins when we made our first marriages, but there was the parental cloud of disapproval hanging over us. So we both did what they thought was appropriate and married our partners.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

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I can't really speak to Darling Man's first marriage. He's told me some things about it and honestly, it never sounded all that great. Like most of the good times happened before the ring hit the fingers.

I have lots of pictures from my first wedding that I treasure, but the one picture that absolutely sums it up for me is of my first husband sitting next to the rector's desk just before the ceremony. He has a worried look on his face and on the desk is a sign with a big question mark on it. I don't know what the sign says, but every time I see that picture I think, what were we thinking????

Both those first marriages lasted about 7 years before dissolving.

But I think we both learned a lot. About what we wanted in a partner and what we didn't want in one. Mostly what we learned was that we needed someone who would let us grow and be the people we were meant to be.


In spite of those conclusions, we both made bad choices a couple of times for different reasons and learned even more. I was involved with an alcoholic. He was involved with a woman who couldn't settle down. There were others, but those were the relationships that made us realize that we were doing it again - settling for less than we wanted.

Darling Man and I met at work. We were friends for several years and talked to each other about our latest relationships and how we enjoyed or disliked them. I found out that DM had worked for my father for a few years and I never knew he existed. He didn't know that I did.

And one night, at a friend's party, we looked at each other and suddenly thought - Why not him/her? I went home with him that night. Technically, I suppose that's sleeping together on the first date, but in reality, we'd been dating from a distance for quite some time.


So why does it work? We don't always like each other, but we always love each other. I give him space to be himself and he does the same for me. We have the same basic values. We are honest with each other. We laugh together (a lot). We create things together (including our son). We are in the same business and can understand what frustrations and triumphs are and what they mean. We forgive each other, cry together, and celebrate the little things like a good meal, a funny movie, or our son's accomplishments.

In the end, I guess it's true - Love is a friendship that has caught fire.


Janis said...

I love that saying.. and its so true. Sounds like you have a good recipe for a good solid marriage. Happy FM

Island Rider said...

Rock climbing at your wedding? Oh, my gosh. Not to self. Don't show this to my youngest son! I am glad that you have found happiness and a lasting relationship.

Lil Mouse said...

7 years seems to be the hot button for some reason. both of my brothers marriages were on the rocks then, one survived, one didnt. the one that didnt got remarried and seems truly happy. I dont know. We are almost ready to start year eight, so..i guess we're alright.

margaret (the misanthrope) said...

Wonderful story, Sayre. This FM topic is one of the most deeply unique and personal ones I've encountered so far, and I'm fascinated with the stories I'm reading. Thank you for sharing!

Gattina said...

how many marriages broke because both were too young and finally did it because of "what would people say". It's good that you learned each other from your bad experiences. Love, friendship and laughing together is the best recepe for a long lasting marriage !!

Mariposa said...

I love how you end your true! And I can relate...wish you both the best!

Sandcastle Momma said...

It takes time to find your soulmate but it sounds as if you have arrived. I love the middle picture - you both look so in love!

Faye said...

Sayre, I LOVE,LOVE this photo of you and DM. If that photo was any indication, your hearts were in the right place from the beginning. What a very human and loving account of your relationship. I wish you many more years of friendship and "catching on fire"! :-)

The Church Lady said...

I just love your wedding pictures. They are so unique and I also love your quote about love being a friendship that has caught fire. It is so true.

Molly said...

The picture of you and the Darling Man gazing into each other's is so romantic. This certainly looks like true love.

The statement, "We forgive each other, cry together, and celebrate the little things like a good meal, a funny movie, or our son's accomplishments." certainly describes a meaningful relationship.

Hoosier Girl said...

Good one. I love that picture of you two.


noelle said...

Thanks for a wonderfully honest look at how you got to where you are now. I appreciate that you learned and grew and have sorted out some of the hard stuff. No one ever told us growing up that fairy tales are just the beginning. The happily ever after takes committment and work!

karisma said...

Gorgeous pictures! Wow! I was thinking how you two looks so meant for each other compared to the first shots up there!

We don't always like each other? Haha! I was thinking Yep I know that feeling, but hey MOST of the time I like him a lot, okay more than a lot! But I know exactly what you mean!

movin down the road said...

Oh my gawd, LOVE the pics!