Saturday, May 16, 2009


I feel so odd. I look at my face and it doesn't look like my face. My arms and legs don't look like my arms and legs. In fact, I don't feel terribly connected to this body at all.

It's like it's made of entirely different stuff than it was made of a few days ago. There's a thinness to this feeling, though when I look at my body objectively, it doesn't look any bigger or smaller than before. Just different.

I'm not sure how to explain it. Perhaps eating so little this past week contributes to the sensation. I'm trying to eat more (how often does one get to say that?) and eat in a nutritionally sound way. But it's still weird.

My body moves and does things and it feels like it requires great effort and at the same time no effort at all, like watching someone else do something.

Whether I like my body or not, I want to feel at home in it again. This unanchored drifting is rather disorienting.


margaret said...

Oh my friend. Hugs to you. Please take care and keep us posted. I'm sure that it will take a while to recover.

Janis said...

Oh dear, it sounds like your having an out of body experience. It must be enough to un nerve you. Hope you get back to normal real soon.

Mel said...

Well, hell. I missed this post! I hope you get re-oriented in your skin very soon, Sayre.

Anonymous said...

get him a cheap webcam and sign up for
It is free long distance and they can talk every day and see each other too!
Just explain it to Jesse's mom about signing up for and then getting the webcam. A cheap headset with microphone makes it easier for parents to handle.

Pamela said...

I read your previous post. That sounds really awful. At first I thought you were going to say you had c-dif.

hey, your cheeks look a little sunkin in there in that photo (:

Hope you are feeling much better.

Appreciate the fact that your scan came back clear.