Sunday, January 17, 2010

Not As Much Fun

Sorry I haven't been around much.  Other things going on.  Sometimes I wonder how much MORE I could get done if I didn't spend so much time here on the computer.

I check blogs (though my blog-field has narrowed quite a bit lately), and I check in on FaceBook regularly which is reconnecting me to some people from my past. 

I also think I'm not as much fun as I once was (though I might be kidding myself about that "once was" as well).  I ruminate a lot.  I'm pretty busy doing pretty mundane things like cleaning and parenting and working.  Even my goals for myself are pretty mundane - lose this weight, get healthy, blah, blah, blah.

Blah is a pretty good word to describe me these days.

As always, there are projects being discussed and contemplated.  I'm hoping to finish the kitchen project at Mom's by Spring Break.  I'd like to start my own kitchen project soon (of course that takes money, so who knows?).  There is the music project with my husband, but so far, we're all talk.  He's got a little action going, but nothing to really show me yet.

And I never was much of a party girl.  I don't smoke dope (puts me to sleep), or drink (because I hate the feel of my face sliding down my neck after half a glass of something), or even smoke cigarettes anymore.  Mostly I don't do those things because I don't like how they make me feel, but also because they can kill you after a while and I have a few reasons to want to live.  They're much more important to me that going out to party.  Besides, you really don't want to see me dance.

I suppose I'm not much fun.  But I'll take it because even though I am duller than dishwater, I'm pretty happy too.

I have an aquaintance.  She's always asking me if I'm having fun - and I always say yes.  But in the back of my mind, I know that MY idea of fun is nothing like hers.  Recently divorced, she's hitting the bar scene and the bottle pretty hard.  She's relishing the "cougar" status she's attained.  And doesn't really have much time for anyone who isn't having "fun" the way she is.  But when I look at her, I don't see "fun."  I see desperation.  A fear of missing out on all the things she might have done when she was young, only now she's not young.  She's in her late forties and the lines are getting deeper, the hair grayer underneath the youthful dye.  She never had kids or really seemed to be attached to anything. 

Sad, really.

Maybe I'm not as much fun as I think I used to be, but I'm happy.  And my family is happy.  And that's really what fun looks like to me these days.

13 comments:

Sandy said...

I love the way you put my feelings into your words.

I did used to be "fun". I smoked (cigs, only) and drank and did things I still hope my mom nevers hears about.

Now? Now, I am happy.

Christin said...

I feel for your friend, Sayre. She's unhappy and avoiding grief. The avoidance makes it worse.

You don't sound very blah to me. You sound content. :)

Mom said...

As Cat Stevens sang in his auto-biogaphical song, "Father And Son",
"...look at me, I am old but I am happy."

We used to have a banner hanging on our bedroom door which said, "Love is a Decision". You could also say, "Happiness is a decision.", which, when you get down to it, is the truth. Happiness doesn't come from the outside--it is an inner gift we give ourselves.

Keep giving yourself that gift, and you will inspire others to do the same.

Sandcastle Momma said...

I think one of the best things about getting older is knowing who you are. Your idea of fun is not going out to party but I've heard you laugh in videos with ZBoy, seen him smiling at something you've said or done and can tell from your blog that you have more fun than you might think. Being with your family and spending time with your family IS fun - it's what makes you smile. Too bad your friend has to go out looking for that. One thing I've learned is that being happy and content is really what fun is all about.

Hoosier Girl said...

"Fun" is different for every one, and it definitely changes with age. You sound like you have the winter "blahs" just like me.

Hang in there, spring is coming.

J.

Island Rider said...

Yes, content. A very good place to be. And Joyful. Much better than fun.

Pamela said...

Not only do I not do those things -- I don't even ruminate anymore My daddy told me when I chewed gum I looked like a cow. When a cow chews cud - he called it ruminating. bwaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha

You're right. She's doing some kind of desperate do over. Hope she comes to her senses too.

Jan said...

The heck with fun..embrace the gentle joys of simple things. Your Momma is right onm the mark.

Taid

Lil Mouse said...

I have a HS classmate who all she does (on facebook) is talk about the parties she is going to and how everyone knows her name, I just wonder how long that's going to last. She's married, but she doesn't do any of it with her hubby, or least doens't seem like it? I find it very odd.

Don't worry, there's a lot of us milquetoast around here, and I actually think that REAL life people are more fun.

Molly said...

I am here to read your Fun Monday post, but I like your entry. Perhaps,you have found the secret to life. Happiness comes from the inside no matter where you are (at the bar having drinks or at home enjoying your family.)

Anonymous said...

Your friend sounds lost in the world. She is seeking something and perhaps not sure where to look. The bars are a norm in society that we have learned to go to for immediate socialization. This is probably just growing pains in trying to find who she is as a single. A search for her identidy.
And Sarah you have always been fun. Our lives change as we do with them. Our happiness comes from that which is around us.

Stephanie

storyteller said...

Oh yez ... sometimes I wonder how much MORE I could get done if I didn't spend so much time here on the computer too. That acknowledged ... I do ENJOY the things I do with technology and feel HAPPY most of the time. Of course, Molly keeps me from spending too much time at the keyboard ;-)
Hugs and blessings,

gayle said...

I like your kind of fun the best!!