Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Day 3 - Something I have to Forgive Myself For

A lot of things have changed since I was a teenager and had little concept of forgiveness except the most superficial "I'm sorry"s. Mostly because at that age, one is not usually capable of life-changing transgressions. But as an adult, transgressions against yourself and against other people can be serious business - and the art of forgiveness is one best learned early on, lest you live your life with daily regret.

There are many things I need to forgive myself for - being mean to my little brothers when we were all little (especially John, who had the misfortune of being born right after me, ending my time as an only child). For not applying myself at school, choosing to skate by. For accepting a marriage proposal when I was too young to really understand what it meant to be married and all the mistakes that came from that decision. For not recognizing the mistake and leaving soon enough. For not going back to school once I was free.

I have to forgive myself for these things because they affected how my life has turned out for the worse - but also because they affected other people. Whether it's in the way they see the world after I was done with them or by not being quite enough now somehow.

But the very fact that I'm writing this now means that I still haven't forgiven myself for these things and I need to work on that.

If you want to participate and do your own 30 Days of Truth, get started with the list of exercises and click here.


~sWaMpY~ said...

30 Days of Truth...what a great idea.
I would need about 120 days to complete this assignment, but think it's a wonderful way to reach the "real self."

PinkPiddyPaws said...

About six years ago I tracked down a man that I had been very not nice to when I was younger. He had been sweet and kind to me, but I had been rotten and cruel to him. I paid a private investigator to find him and I called him up and apologized. It had been burning in my soul for years and one day I woke up and said "I need to make this better".

It turns out he was happily married with 3 kids and he was doing great. (since I have never wanted kids it worked out well that we didn't last) He forgave me and we had a lovely chat. I spoke to his wife and she even invited me up to visit sometime.

I felt immense relief after hanging up the phone.