Maternal Voyeur

Today was one of those days... the sun was shining, it was warm enough to go without a jacket but cool enough to be glad of a long-sleeved shirt. There was a light breeze that animated the day somehow.

I left work early, ran some errands and told Darling Man that I would pick ZBoy up from school. I pulled into the driveway about 20 minutes before school let out, rolled down the windows, and turned off the car. I had a book along with me (Water for Elephants) to read and fill the time between my arrival and ZBoy's departure from school.

I never opened the book.

As I was settling in my seat and reaching for my book, I looked out at the school's playground and the children playing. I wondered where my boy was - was his behavior good enough to take part in "Fun Friday"? He's had to go to study hall before because of not finishing his work or talking too much - but he loved the extra snack and the extra playtime of "Fun Friday" so he had extra incentive to do what he needed to do.

A movement caught in the corner of my eye, and turning my head, I saw my boy, arm thrown across the shoulder of his buddy Jess, his other friend Jack loping along beside them. They were doing that uniquely boy-thing - the cross between a skip and a trot that makes them seem nearly weightless. Like the only thing holding them to earth was the weight of their clothes and their shoes. Big smiles lit their faces as much as the sun lit the playground.

It's an odd thing to watch your child when he doesn't know you're there. If there's even a chance that you are in the vicinity, they usually know it. They can feel your presence the same way you can feel theirs - even if you can't actually see them. In that all too brief moment, free (he thought) of the presence of parents, I got a glimpse of my boy in a way that I never got to see him before. And he was happy.

Seconds later, his head swiveled, and he spotted my car. He came over to the fence and said "HI!" I waved, then yelled at him - GO PLAY!!! HAVE FUN! I'LL SEE YOU WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED!

He looked unsure for a moment, then turned to run off after Jess and Jack. Halfway across the playground, he stopped to talk to Reece. A difficult child at best, Reece has problems. Acting out is one of them. Earlier this week, he kicked ZBoy in the groin for no apparent reason. Z took it without hitting back. Reece is also in KenPo, so ZBoy knows that he's not quite right. I was surprised that he stopped for Reece, who was playing alone. They bent their heads towards each other talking for a minute. Then ZBoy patted Reece's shoulder and ran off to join his friends.

For the next 20 minutes, they ran.

The kind of running we all did as kids. It wasn't work; it wasn't for losing weight or shaping up; no one was yelling at you to do it. It was a body's joy expressing itself through motion. They literally never stopped the entire time I watched. Somewhere in that time, Z forgot that I was over there waiting for school to end.

You can see the difference. Really.

It's almost like watching something so unselfconscious as a cat playing by itself. The true animal shines out. The same is true of my son.

He was the most beautiful thing I've seen in a long time.