Charity and Wardrobe Malfuntion

I'm not a dress-up kind of girl, but when it is required, I like to think that I can rise to the occasion.  Or at least be presentable.  Or not embarrassing.

Last week, my friend Jennifer asked for my help in putting on a benefit and silent auction for the Boys and Girls Club Tabula Rasa.  She was such a godsend to me when I needed her for Matt's wedding that I didn't hesitate to say yes!

Dress for this event was "cocktail".  Uh-oh.  I'm in trouble already.  Jennifer reassured me that the dress I wore to the wedding would be just fine (though I wore a less, um, enhancing bra with it this time), and I was relieved.  I put it on and turned my attention to shoes.  Trouble again.

I have awful feet.  They look normal, but they really, really don't like shoes - especially the dress up kind.  I still had the tortuous shoes I wore to the wedding (and removed promptly upon leaving the chapel);  I had the easy-spirit granny shoes I tromped all over Korea in;  I had my trusty and kind of unobtrusive Tevas.  Because this was a dress up event, I even put on panty hose which would have my feet ready for whichever shoes Jennifer deemed acceptable and donned the Tevas for the runup to the event.

When I arrived, we began labeling silent auction items and putting a bid sheet with each one.  When that was done, Jennifer told us how she wanted us to check in the guests and get them situated with a bid number, raffle tickets and credit card information for any items won in both the silent and live auctions.

I had stuffed my purse under a table in the diningroom and once we were ready to greet guests (but before they began arriving), I went to retrieve it.  I gracefully squatted down to reach under the table and the elastic in the panty hose gave way.  I stood up, but my panty hose did not.  It rolled down over my hips and was heading for my knees as I headed for the bathroom to see if I could remedy this situation.  I have no idea how old that panty hose was, as I never wear the stuff.  All I knew was that they didn't have any runs in them.  Once in the bathroom, I realized that it was a lost cause.  I rolled them the rest of the way off and put my Tevas back on.  Natural Legs Florida Girl headed back to the table and began signing in people coming through the door.

Once everyone was in and accounted for, I joined my parents who graciously volunteered to attend as well at their table for dinner.  We were joined by two distinguished-looking older men and the band.  It was an eclectic gathering at my table, to say the least.  Introductions were made around the table and it turned out that the man sitting next to me was the regional director of the Boys and Girls Clubs.  The big boss, as it were.   Jennifer passed by, then backed up and let out a little moan - "Oh, nooooo...."  My family's reputation for irreverence apparently popped right to the front of her mind, and my dad said to her loudly, "Don't worry... we didn't say anything about the embezzlement charges."  I could see that she hoped it was clear he was joking (as there IS no embezzlement going on here), and to the Regional Director's credit, he burst out laughing.   She moved on, and we proceeded to tell him just how wonderful Jennifer was.

After dinner, they held the live auction.  I noted winning bids and bidders and the silent auction tablees were closed.  This went on for what seemed like a long time (I think my prime rib dinner was trying to tell me to go to sleep), and then we closed out all the winning bidders as they left.

The evening still wasn't over.  We had to gather all the table arrangements and various implements that were needed during the evening and pack them into the cars for transport back to the office.

It was a resounding success.  The people who bought tickets and items at the auctions were generous and the Boys and Girls Club Tabula Rasa made some money.  Jennifer really shone as an event coordinator and everyone was very happy.

After hugs all around and profuse thanks from the staffers, I took my three pairs of shoes and went home.  And no one was any the wiser that my panty hose was in a trashcan in the bathroom.