Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Around the Block a Time or Two

I love the drives to school - my boy and I wind up talking about so many different things. 

Today's trip started out talking about church.  He's really enjoying going to his youth group on Wednesday nights.  Then he asked about one of the kids who comes on Wednesday, but we never see him in church on Sundays.  Z was wondering why that was (and perhaps secretly hoping I'd have an answer he could use on me those days he'd rather sleep in).

I told him that his parents are divorced and he probably was with his dad on Sundays.  That surprised him.  He said his friend seemed like such a happy, go lucky kid - how could his parents be divorced?

He's a little sheltered, I guess.  Most of the kids he knows are from divorced homes.  He also sees a lot of kids with problems.  Anger issues, behavior problems, extreme shyness.  Most of his friends have young parents too, who maybe aren't as circumspect in expressing their own anger or frustration at home. 

The Boy did say that at least he would never have to deal with that... moving between two homes and having parents who didn't get along.

On the surface, I agree with him.  But "never" is one of those words that should not be tossed around lightly.  There was a time when I wondered if my own marriage would make it, but we worked it out.  And it worked out because we truly love each other and didn't want to give it up just because we were angry with each other about something.  Part of it is because we were friends before we were anything else.  And part of it is because we've been there before with different people and understood the pitfalls of finger-pointing and blame. 

Relationships are not easy.  Even the best ones take work and compromise.  And sometimes, even that is not enough when people have different values or grow in different directions.  There are times when it IS better to split up. 

He digested this for a moment.  I could see the question forming over his head - but what would happen to ME?

I reassured him that at this point in our lives, divorce is not on the horizon and God willing, never will be - but if it did happen for some reason, his father and I love him enough to put aside our differences to make sure he would be okay, taken care of and happy. 

And maybe that's the difference between being a grownup and an immature adult...  A grownup is willing to take care of their responsibilities to the best of their ability and an immature adult is just worried about his/herself and what they get out of it.  The Boy is lucky to have two grownups as parents.  Unfortunately, not many of his peers are that lucky.


Anonymous said...


Karmyn R said...

You are totally correct!!

My husband and I were in a major argument this weekend - (after the kids were in bed). I guess our voices were a little louder than we thought.

The next morning my daughter was VERY concerned about it. I had to explain that even people who love each other argue every once in a while. And thankfully, we are grown-up and worked it out instead of being selfish and immature!

ari_1965 said...

A good conversation.

One Million Tries said...

You know, my parents are still married so some days I feel bad that I could not provide that security to my own 2 kids.

However, in our case getting divorced (especially as youn as they were (2 and 4) was the best thing I could have done for them.

Being the only grownup in a married life is no good at all.

I'm glad that your little guy feels safe and secure in his home environment - single or married, it's our job as parents to do the best we can in order to provide that for our kids.

Sandy said...

Amen! and Karm? I didn't read about it on facebook...what's wrong with you?...lol

Mindy said...

I remember telling my kids that they didn't have to worry, I never thought their dad and I would split. When the rift came however, we were all ready for it. We mourn for "what could've been", but keep sight on "what would've been".