My son started out this year so enthusiastic about going to middle school and meeting new kids and learning some really new stuff in a different, more fast-paced way. No more sitting in the same classroom for half a day at a time listening to the same teacher. He was excited about changing classes once an hour with lots of different kids in different classes.
But things haven't worked out that way. He went from being so happy to being so miserable. On the way to school the other day, he said, "You know, Mom... every grade seems to have one kid that everyone picks on. In my grade, that's me." I wanted to cry. He continued, "I don't even want to be popular... I just want to be invisible." That was my strategy when I was in middle school too - but I was good at invisible. He is not.
We've talked to teachers and guidance counselors, we've brainstormed amongst ourselves - but things aren't really getting any better. My husband is resistant, but I think it might be time to change schools. It's a shame; we'd had such high hopes and expectations of this school and it's not turning out the way we wanted at all.
My friend Tasha has kids in a charter school, and she thinks it might be a better fit for him. It's a small school, with only 160 kids in the middle school part. I've signed up for a tour of the school and I'm taking my boy with me. It will be his decison as much as ours. From what I hear, the school is wonderful - but is a little light on the extras... there's art and music but not much else. But art is where his heart is, and really - an education is about the other stuff anyway, at least at this level.
So we'll see. Something has to change. We're looking at options, but letting him choose which one he needs.
11 comments:
This is a heartbreaking situation. I'm so glad you're being proactive. It will mean the world to your son that you listened.
He's lucky to have you to confide in. Hope you find somewhere where he can thrive and enjoy his time there.
I hope you find the place where he can both learn and soar...
and I like your new look!
We tried two different charter schools with our son who is a lot like your Z-boy. The first was horrible, the second was exactly what he needed. The first school was an individualized curriculum so he was expected to sit at his desk all day and work at his own pace. We had hoped it would help him get caught back up to where he needed to be, but he was miserable. That was middle school, and we ended up pulling him out of the charter school and putting him back in public school which was also a disaster. Middle School is such a tough time and if they don't have a "gang" that is a positive influence on them, they do flounder alone and are vulnerable to being picked on. That can happen anywhere, even, I have seen in some home school groups that take field trips where I work. And my sister pulled her daughter out of a CHRISTIAN school because other girls were bullying her about her weight. Kids are terrible to each other in an attempt to make themselves feel better about their own misery. The High School charter school where youngest son went for his last four years of school was perfect, full of great leaders who in turn mentored our boy. They wouldn't let him coast, took the responsibility for homework completiton off of us and put it squarely on him where it belonged. He found a "gang", worked hard at what he loved and it was a fabulous four years. I wish you the best in finding the same for Z Boy. A good school with good role models can make such a huge difference in the life of a child and also their parents. You may have to look around, but there is a good place for Z-Boy where he will thrive.
I wish you luck with this. I was treated like crap my whole school career, simply because I was born 1.5 hours from their little hometown versus .5 or .75 hours away. Yup, they were UPSET as Kindergarteners, because 'I didn't belong'. They treated me awfully from 5 years old to 17 when I started ignoring them, pretending they didn't exist. Then they tried to get me to talk to them and I just scoffed at them. They couldn't stand that they weren't the center of my world. It takes a lot of gumption to ignore that, though, and took me 13 years to get up the courage to realize that there is a LIFE OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL. I think once I realized that I basically never had to see any of them again if I didn't want to, then I got over their stupid ego trips.
I think you need to do whatever it takes to make his school year better.
I think his happiness needs to come first. And as long as the school covers what he likes and the basics, he can learn anything else outside of school when he is ready. I hope it works out for him. I hate to see kids unhappy. Give him a big hug from me lovely! xoxox
Middle school years can be a difficult time. I think that you are working through this with your son in a practical and reasonable way, but these are difficult decisions. I wish you and your family best in this search. My heart is with you as my oldest son, who is about to turn 40 had some very trying moments when he was in junior high.
Middle school is very hard on kids! I think you are making a wise decision checking out another school. It breaks my heart that some kids have to be so mean. I would be terribly upset if it was my child either way but more if he was the one being picked on.
Sarah, before you make any definitive moves, let me sit down with you when I come home. Over time, I have learned a thing or two about dealing with bullies and the nature of things like that. Z-boy should never be put in a position where he feels he has no choice but to run away.
Nobody picks on your brothers. Maybe we can help.
John
Whoo Hoo! Go Uncle John!
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