Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I Feel Like Crying Today

This time, it's not hormonal.  It's circumstantial.  It's not gasping sobs, but more of a quiet welling up and spilling over from time to time.  And it's not one thing, it's several.

Tomorrow is the end of the month.  It's also the last day for two co-workers that I've worked with for a while - one for years and years, the other more recent but necessary to how I operate in my job.  They are leaving because they've been laid off.  Overall, four employees have been let go.  It would have been five, but my friend Nick died before the cuts were made, so they just didn't replace him and the number went down to four.  One friend, my editor, is already gone.  He left last week and has another job.  I haven't seen one of them since the announcement.  And the last two are trying to sort and finish up stuff before walking out the door for the last time.  Except for my editor, none of them are going to other jobs, but are still looking.  They have families and commitments and unique talents - but no jobs.  I've been feeling sad about this for a while, but the immediacy of tomorrow's departures is bringing it home.

And I heard more bad news last night.  My BFF's son who has had Ewing's sarcoma, fought and won (losing a leg in the process) has had a recurrence.  It's in his spine this time.  My heart goes out to my friend.  She's not had an easy life, but has met every challenge like a champ.  She is a tigress when it comes to her kids and I know if she could get between her son and his cancer, she would in a heartbeat.  But that's not possible.  All she can do is be supportive, love him, and do the things that must be done.

I have friends fighting battles, friends in pain, friends who don't know what's going to happen next.  I can't list them all here, but God knows who they are and what they need.  And all I can do is pray for them.

My prayer list is getting pretty long.


Sandy said...

I know I keep repeating this but it gets me through more times than I can say - tears are just prayers when you can't find the words. God will read what's in your heart and who is in your heart. Trust in Him even when it is hardest. You (and everyone on your list) are in my prayers.

karisma said...

You are not alone my friend, my list gets longer every day. Breaks my heart. Im sorry you are feeling so sad. :-( (((BIG HUGS)))

Anonymous said...

Thank you.


Knock knock - it's cancer! said...

I've got goosebumps reading this. I know that those who you're praying for appreciate it so very much.

It seems so wrong sometimes to see so many people in pain - I think we all (regardless of our circumstances) need to try our best to live in the moment and love those around us. Some days it's harder than others.

I hope your BFF's son will triumph once again. Cancer is mind boggling.

Island Rider said...

I am so sorry. Keep praying. You will find it not only brings you peace, but your friends as well.

Pamela said...

praying for doors with better things behind them for your misplaced co-workers.

praying for a hurricane of healing for everyone I know right now, my family whom I love, and for other families and their loves.

Prayerful cries joining you across the divide, Tear sister.

Sandcastle Momma said...

Your friends are blessed to have a friend who cares as much as you do. We'll be saying prayers for you and yours.

ari_1965 said...

I'm sorry.

Lala said...

Hi Sayre,
I came here on a link from a comment you made on my blog, long ago. I was happy to find you still blogging, but so sorry to hear about the sadness. You have a very big heart, and for what it's worth, its good to know that there are still compassionate people in the world. You're right I think, all you can do is pray, and you've shared your friends stories, so now we will pray too. Love and comfort to you.